20 October 2009

This Fury

I run, every so often.

The other day, a line in a song punched away the little breath I had—“Peel back the veil of time/and let us see You with our naked eyes”* In so many ways I found myself on life’s rim.

I could only think of Moses the chosen, Moses the called, Moses of the ancient faith—Moses who could only handle the wake of God’s presence. I, who could barely breathe, was calling on the unveiled glory of God…if ever there was a time to be prepared for God’s glory, this was not it.

Maybe running makes me sane. (this is much debated)
All I know is that almost daily I ask that I be shaken by God’s presence…yet it requires my remembrance of running that day to give me a glimpse of what it is I ask. I understand my place in the world best when I am running.

'O look, look in the mirror,
O look in your distress:
Life remains a blessing
Although you cannot bless.

'O stand, stand at the window
As the tears scald and start;
You shall love your crooked neighbour
With [all] your crooked heart.'

My friends. There are days that I sit at the kitchen table, the silent house around me, and observe the goings on of a cloudy day (via the glass door). The summation of my findings:

-leaves fall like those helicopter seeds I used to play with…and still would play with, could I find any
-wet acorns are usually rotten (no deep meaning here, just fact)
-imagining the air as frigid is done with ease—the wind and slight damp encourage the thought (and my thoughts on such a topic need no encouragement)
-blue jays are the most vocal of birds
…and it is the same each year.

Funny, how fairy tales are the same. At least, the Disney version is the most common, and is the one oft recited, whether it be Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel (no, I don’t know how to spell it), or…you get the gist. (Though, can we please add Quest for Camelot to the list? I like that one…but not as much as The Sword in the Stone…)
"Fairy tales say that apples were golden only to refresh the forgotten moment when we found that they were green. They make rivers run with wine only to make us remember, for one wild moment, that they run with water." (G.K. Chesterton)
When did you or I first notice that apples were green?
Or that strawberries are delicious?
or that water is unique?
(or that questions are wonderful, wonderful?)

Why do I prefer asking questions instead of giving answers?
Why do some prefer the opposite?
…for one wild moment, I can realize that either preference is okay.

“What’s the difference between searching for your lost love with a glass slipper and getting on Facebook? Facebook is faster.” (Hansen, J., Arkansas Dem. G)

“…for our generation does not stop with faith, does not stop with the miracle of faith, turning water into wine—it goes further and turns wine into water” (Kierkegaard, Fear and Trembling)

sense the gravity of what Kierkegaard is saying???
I don’t think I do, completely.
Perhaps he says faith is no longer “enough” for our generation. If so, it is because we do not realize that it is enough.

“Son of man, when a land sins against me by acting faithlessly…even if these three men, Noah, Daniel, and Job were in it, they would deliver but their own lives by their righteousness, declares the Lord God.” (Ezk. 14:13,14)

Noah and Daniel and Job. Noah’s hundred years and watery days. Daniel’s vegetables and lions. Job’s faithless friends.

Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to (“If You Want Me To”)

Each step as one who seeks God is as a first step, is it not? In that, it requires faith. hm.

There is a closeness to God that may indeed allow one’s human feelings to align with the Majesty’s desires. This has been told me.

Lord, that I may listen. That I may put aside the sin that so easily entangles. That I would be fully, wholly, undividedly Yours.

“And I sought for a man among them who should build up the wall and stand in the breach before me for the land, that I should not destroy it, but I found none”(Ezk. 22:30)

May this not be the end. (I will walk through the fire, if He want's me to.) A dangerous thing, that I say.

You know, I run, every so often.

Run with me. ;)

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